Ten Dining Hates, From Hidden Tips to Rude Staff: Richard Vines

2009-01-02 00:00:01.3 GMTBy Richard Vines Jan. 2 (Bloomberg) -- Eating out should be one of life’spleasures, a mini-vacation from everyday reality in a place wherecharming people smile and appear to enjoy giving you a good time. Sometimes, the opposite can be true, with eateries offeringdull food accompanied by service that is either inattentive or soannoyingly insincere and intrusive, it’s difficult to relax. “The Good Food Guide” today issues a list of the Top Tenreaders’ complaints about U.K. restaurants and suggests thatrestaurateurs resolve to do better in 2009. Here’s the list,received via e-mail, along with my thoughts on the variousgripes. --Double-tipping: This is the nasty habit of leaving a spacefor a tip on your credit-card slip after including a servicecharge in the bill. I consider this particularly insidious asit’s dishonest and can leave the most generous of diners feelingembarrassed and mean at the end of an otherwise enjoyable meal. --Over-attentive waiters: Having your wine or water glasstopped up too frequently or being interrupted to be asked ifeverything’s all right can ruin conversations. In suchsituations, it may be difficult to find a waiter when youactually want one. --Stealth charges: This is the small print mentioning acover charge or a charge for bread, olives or petits fours.L’Autre Pied, a restaurant in Marylebone, actually stopped askingcustomers to pay extra for bread because it provoked complaints. --Small portions: This is all right at establishments likeMaze and J. Sheekey Oyster Bar, where you’re told the plates aresmall and they’re priced accordingly, so you order more, but mayseem distinctly ungenerous in restaurants such as 1901. Love Hotel --Turning tables: That’s asking people to leave before theyare ready because the next group of diners is ready. This iscommon in London restaurants like Zuma, where a table is anexpensive piece of real estate you effectively rent by the hour,like a room in a love hotel. Recession may sort this one out. --Charging for tap water: I’m happy to say I haven’t comeacross this practice in London, though it’s common to be asked ifyou want still or sparkling, as though tap water wasn’t anoption. I feel a bit embarrassed having to ask for the tap water,though I suspect bottled water will become more of a green issuethis year. --Bad table placement: Bunched-together tables can leave youfeeling you’ve had the wrong sort of intimate evening. LondonVenues that pack in the tables include Angela Hartnett’s the York& Albany, where you can become very well acquainted with otherdiners at groin level as they try to reach their seats. On theother hand, more tables can mean lower prices, which is good. Champagne Time --Out-of-season ingredients. Asparagus and strawberries arenot native to the U.K. in January, so they shouldn’t be on menus,“The Good Food Guide” says. It’s difficult to argue with this,particularly as there is no season for Champagne. --Lost in translation: If your menu is in English, stick toEnglish. Not everyone knows what sauce aigre-douce is, the guidesays. (It’s a sweet and sour sauce.) In London, this problem iscompounded by the fact many waiters speak with foreign accentsthat render attempted explanations incomprehensible. --Well seasoned: Open salt and pepper bowls may be modish,but who knows whose fingers have been there? It’s also hard todisagree with this, but I never touch the salt and pepper anyway.Chefs are paid to sort out the seasoning so that I don’t have to. To the above, I would add: No Conceptualizing --Concept menus, whereby waiters have to explain to you howto order. Dining should be about relaxing, not conceptualizing. --Up-selling, where waiters and -- even more so --sommeliers push you to pick something more expensive than youplanned. --Inattentive waiters, who like to chatter with each otheror else gaze into the middle distance and fail to notice diners. --Snooty staff members, who correct your pronunciation ofdishes or express surprise at your preference for wine, thenvanish when they realize things aren’t looking good for tips. My own prediction for this year is that many restaurants aregoing to have to focus very hard on customer satisfaction if theyare to survive, so I am hopeful we all can enjoy better food,better value and better service. Pass the salt. (Richard Vines is the chief food critic for Bloomberg News.Opinions expressed are his own.)